First bath!

He was so calm and alert to the feel of the water.

We are looking forward to being able to give him baths again once all his casting is finished!

Brothers and Legos (of course)

Just for fun, all the brothers next to each other!

At a recent check-up (for WIC), Timo was 36 lbs, Mattias was 31 lbs, and Hawk - at 3 weeks old - was just under 7 lbs.  This photo was taken a few days before Hawk started his feet casting (and he's now on the third week of that process). This was also pre-haircuts, as you can see.

Such gentle kissing from the older ones!

Timo and Mattias have spent MANY, many hours with Lego Duplos in recent weeks. Naturally they get along great and create vast airports/cities/parking lots/electricity centers/water treatment facilities etc and then in the next moment they are yelling at each other and crashing everything down...

We have a photo of newborn Mattias in this outfit so I wanted to get one with Hawk, too - but he is so much smaller at 3 weeks!! Even though it may look it, his feet only came down to the leg/pant and didn't even come to the footholes! He's not much bigger than Gemma's doll.

 

And here is one of the main uses so far for baby Hawk's crib - Mattias's big parking lot (and a quiet, uninterrupted place for him to play by himself)! - since Hawk has been sleeping in a mini-crib in our bedroom so far.

Exhausting but Fortuitous

Oh, the 2nd week of Hawk's life - phew!!! Now that he is 5 weeks old, perhaps I can think back on it - three weeks ago - and not feel too personally the intensity of the stress and exhaustion. After a routine weight check at the pediatrician's office when he was five days old, we were recommended to take him immediately to the pediatric unit at the hospital in Asheville. He had lost a pound and a half since birth and had a high bilirubin number (jaundice). As quickly as we could we left the Dr, went home and packed a week's worth of clothing, and said good-bye to Jaja, Timo and Mattias. It was a scary, confusing day. We didn't understand what was going on with Hawk's little body; we didn't know what to expect at the hospital; and we didn't want to leave our two older boys for days on end. Most of the hour's drive to the hospital I was frantically calling/texting our family and trying to take deep breaths to calm down.

When we arrived at the hospital we immediately walked right into our room (already assigned) and the nurses got to work settling us in. They were calm and friendly. Thankfully Hawk was pretty subdued and cooperative (we learned that high bilirubin often makes babies lethargic). He started on the UV light therapy bed that afternoon. It was SO hard to have him on that bed 24 hrs a day, which meant that we couldn't hold him (unless he was wrapped in the UV blankets, and then only for brief periods) or try to nurse him. The pediatric hospitalist and the feeding team (lactaction consultant and nutritionist) agreed that we needed to feed him with a bottle rather than nursing him, as it was clear that he hadn't been nursing properly and able to get enough milk, most likely because of the high palate in his mouth (fortunately not a cleft palate). However we were very thankful that he didn't have to be admitted to the NICU but just to a standard room, where Jim and I could also stay and sleep.

The priority while we were there was to get his bilirubin numbers down and get him eating enough that he would gain weight (and eat the appropriate amount at each feeding for his weight). It was a slow process on both accounts. He took to the bottle well (which meant I was spending a lot of time every day and night pumping milk, and with the stress my supply dwindled) but he was so tiny that he could only take small amounts at a time.

Meanwhile - and here was the unexpected good fortune of returning to the hospital - an array of doctors and specialists came to see Hawk every day, to assess his different physical needs: geneticist; pediatric orthopedic; physical therapist; occupational therapist; lactation consultant; nutritionist; and pediatrician. There was also a case manager from the hospital to help us understand the process and help us with health insurance and paperwork. Every morning the team of doctors and residents would also visit during their rounds. Every day was full and exhausting - and yet, we were very grateful. When he was born we knew Hawk would need extra care and eventually need to see all those specialists, but we didn't know when or how the process would get started. For one, we thought we'd have to wait several months before seeing the geneticist, but because we were back in the hospital, we saw him right away and started on the process of bloodwork to try and determine if he has an underlying condition that has caused the different physical problems in his extremities. To a person, the specialists were kind, gentle, patient, and willing to spend time with us answering questions (sometimes the same ones over and over).

From the geneticist and orthopedic we learned that Hawk's tightness is called "contractures", which means that in the womb he wasn't moving enough (the reason behind it is what we are still waiting on from genetic testing) and so he didn't develop his joints, tendons, and muscles properly. Starting now he needs therapy to help relax the contractures and gain that range of motion; to what extent that will be successful long-term we don't know - though already in the last three weeks he has improved, especially in his arms and neck. Hawk also had x-rays that revealed a dislocated left hip and vertical talus (ankle/heel malformation) in both feet. Learning that is what has led us already to start the corrective casts on his feet. We have to wait until at least 1 year old before any correction to his hip. His hands have what is called 'ulnar deviation' so it is a priority to get therapy to stretch the hands and develop them properly; it is uncertain what kind of facility he will have with his thumbs.

We had never bottle fed any of the three older children before, so this was a learning experience for both Jim and I!!

Carolyn, occupational therapist; fitting some soft splints on Hawk's hands to help stretch them out

Another wonderful thing of being in the hospital was the support that we received. We had visitors every day and more delicious food than we were able to eat while there!! (Which was good because boy was that hospital food terrible.)

Darryl (pastor at the church we attend) and Blake visited us one morning and brought us donuts and lunch from Trader Joe's

The best visitor was Grandpa!!!! It was a huge relief to have Dad drive out for a few days. He visited us in the hospital before going to our house in Sylva.

 

After nearly four days, Hawk's bilirubin was back to normal and he was drinking enough milk from the bottle that he had gained some ounces and we were released to go home. It was great to see him looking a bit more alert! One of the conditions for going home was that he have an NG tube (feeding tube) inserted, to pump in additional milk if he did not drink enough by bottle. Thankfully, after four days at home, we only needed to use it twice and he continued to eat more every day, so the pediatrician took it out at his 2 week appointment.

Two very attentive, gentle older brothers

A quiet moment with Grandpa

Still such a tiny squirt!

Ten days old! Grandpa headed home again, while Jaja stayed on another week.

First days at home

Both Timo and Mattias have been quite sweet with baby Hawk. As soon as we got home from the hospital, Timo got out a baby doll and made it a bed & found a pacifier and blanket for her. Now Mattias has started taking care of the baby doll, too. And meanwhile they have given soft kisses and touches to Hawk. It certainly is an adjustment to have a baby in the house, but they love their new brother and aren't showing any jealously or frustration at him (mostly the tantrums occur because Mattias wants a certain car or Timo is protecting his Lego creation...).

Much of May has been rainy and cool, though we still try to get outside as much as we can.

We had a few visitors the first few days home, including the Woodys, the Daniels and the Whiteheads - all of who brought food and flowers and had a chance to meet Hawk.

Gayle, our 3rd grandma, who is such a help to us!

Blake and Erin and 2 month old Asa

attempted group photo in the midst of the older two playing outside

Baby Hawk is here - the birth!

Here, here, here! Baby Hawk is here! Eleven days before his due date, and in fast fashion at 5:13 AM.

Hawkins Nehemiah, 6 lb 7 oz, 18.5 inches

A bit of his birth story...

For a couple of weeks leading up to his birth-day, I had been having contractions starting and stopping, with many nights of little sleep, and I kept wondering how much longer I could hang on! On a beautiful warm spring Tuesday (May 2nd) the boys and I took a picnic lunch to campus and had a great time riding bikes around, seeing a few friends, and enjoying the end-of-year feeling among the students. That evening I noticed contractions regularly every 10 minutes, but didn't overthink it since that had been happening so much. At 1 AM I woke up with a strong contraction, and phew! I got up to do some stretches and calm myself down. I fell back asleep but woke up again at 2 AM with the same thing; once again I got up to stretch but then got back in bed. At 3 AM I woke up again with contractions and the feeling that I had fluid leaking. That was strange because I had never had my water break during labor before except at the hospital right before pushing. I got up to go to the bathroom and realized, "Yep, this is my water breaking. Yep, these contractions are 5 minutes apart and quite strong." I woke Jim up and we both suddenly got into high gear packing our bags. We called Gayle Woody to come over to stay with the boys; thankfully she had her phone on and came over quickly.

We left our house about 4:15 AM and drove through the mountains in the dark early morning to the hospital in Franklin, about 25 minutes away. During the drive I really had to focus to relax through the contractions, and I was texting back and forth with Fiona (doula friend who now lives in Hawaii and was awake at 10 PM their time), who gave me great advice and helped me calm my mind to be mentally prepared. I also was texting and getting prayer support from Heather, my friend in Cape Town, who was awake at 10 AM their time!! We got to the hospital and checked in at the emergency room, and then we had to wait 10 excruciating minutes for the nurse from the labor/delivery floor to come fetch us and escort us upstairs. The nurses checked us in and took us to the triage/exam room since they were full and no delivery rooms were available. They calmly asked us questions and started their procedures - but I was having a hard time being patient because I knew this baby was going to come very soon and very quickly! I tried to communicate the urgency but I don't think they realized how close we really were.

Sure enough, while the nurse was typing on her computer and taking a blood sample from my arm, I realized the contractions were nearing the end (getting VERY intense) and that I was going to be ready to push really soon. I looked at Jim, who was holding my hand the whole time and helping me relax through the contractions, and tried to say, "No, really, this is IT." Then suddenly I said, "I'm ready to push" (or something to that effect) and there was no holding back!! The nurse jumped up and yelled out the door for more staff to come: "Baby is crowning!" and by the time two nurses made it back to the bedside he was already halfway out. They scooped him up and put him on my chest! What a sense of relief and astonishment!

It was 5:13 AM, an hour after we had left home and only about 20 minutes since we had gotten to the room. The doctor arrived about 15 minutes later after the birth!!

Our tiny exam room. This was about 3-4 hours later when they finally came back to weigh and measure him.

6 lb 7 oz! And very tightly scrunched up - so he was hard to measure, but they got him at 18.5 inches.

After a long morning of phone calls to family, and trying to decide on his name, a postpartum room finally opened up and we moved there for that day, one night, and the next day (coming home about 5 PM on May 4th). As soon as we saw Hawk we knew that he had some physical issues with his feet, hands, joints - and perhaps mouth and jaw. We weren't sure what to think; we were so glad that he had arrived but we felt confused and scared, too, because he clearly wasn't a 'normal' healthy newborn. Much of that first day he cried loudly and wasn't interested in trying to nurse. It was hard to settle him down. Thankfully the nurses and pediatrician were calm and no one commented on his feet or said anything to treat us differently. And even though we didn't know what health issues he was facing, the pediatrician was confident that he wasn't in any immediate health danger, and she supported us taking him home and getting to bond with him. I am so thankful she felt that way right from the start.

The next morning the two older brothers arrived to see "baby Hawk"!

And Jaja drove up from Durham right away on the 3rd!

We love you, little Hawk!