Her Three Christmases

Been reminiscing and looking at photos from Christmastime 2010, 2011 and 2012... 

...and I've been agonizing and crying and missing, oh missing, our sweet, crazy Gemma. With all the festivities and decorations and music and present-buying, we sometimes get swept along - and we want to as well for the sake of Timo, who is old enough now to enjoy and understand the celebrations - and yet, in a pause, we ache. Every day.

I feel like a thick rope is being wrapped around my chest and is crushing me, taking my breath away and suffocating me. And I'm hoarse with screaming, No, No, come back! Her presence and the memory of her voice - the sound of her talking - and her body are so close to us still.

We look at our two little boys. Timo is the age that she was 2 years ago, the last time we had Christmas with extended family. And Mattias is the age that she was 4 years ago. We are filled with thanksgiving and joy for them, and yet we are filled with sorrow that they don't get to have their big sister here with them, teaching them and leading the dancing and running around.

So we are taking time to talk about her - of course, we do all the time anyway! - and to look back through some old photos from her 3 Christmases. Amazingly, each of those years we were able to spend time in Wheaton with our Gieser family, and one year in Durham with our Hawkins family as well. 

2010, Gemma was 3 months old

Heading off for our road trip from Indiana up to Wheaton

Aunt Katie!

 

All the Gieser family! Only three granddaughters born so far (and one on the way)

Now in Durham, with Grandpa and the rest of the family

Meeting Gram and great-Grandpa Jack, who sung to Gemma in his deep, deep crackling voice

 2011, Gemma was 15 months old

At Granddad and Nonna's house again!

Gemma got to try on this pink wool dress that Nonna had also worn at this same age

At Cosley Zoo, even though it was cold. This was the 1st time of what may be a Gieser Christmastime tradition...

A special moment to look at the Christmas tree with Nonna

 2012, Gemma was just over 2 years old

 

Now she was old enough to help put the ornaments on!

"Nonna, Nonna, look at the tree together?" was her daily refrain

Decorating a gingerbread house

Trying on her new underwear over her new swimsuit

Cosley Zoo again, of course! And it was even colder this year!